Andy Carroll

Sounds like desperation for the Royals. Their chief scout needs to get to Specsavers pronto and also get his head tested. Carroll is one of the biggest frauds in football. I confidently predict that he will score a goal for them, get injured with his dodgy ankle, get carried off and never play for them again before his contract runs out.
There is a silver lining to all of this though. Sainsbury’s in Reading have quadrupled their order for Newcastle brown ale and are set to deliver it all to the club flat he will be living at. He did offer to get it all on click and collect but the Sainsbury’s manager feared he might hurt his back lifting it all into the back of his Range Rover.